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"Nigh", not "neigh", and follow it with a fullpoint, not a semi-colon (also after "twilight").
In fact, skip the semi-colons altogether; either use a fullpoint, a comma, or nothing, at the end of a line of verse.
And I don't get the "swaddled" line; it and the subsequent line seem more fitting to infancy. I know that Spring follows Winter, but it just doesn't feel right.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Poetic License (except for the spelling, which I will fix on my webpage after posting this).
As for swaddled, etc., it's to evoke the feeling of frailty and near helplessness (towards cold, in particular, and the hardships of life, in general). Emphasized by trundle. Imagery; the type that cause one to wish for tomorrow, or next week, or month - but thus wishing away the precious moments between.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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"Swathed", maybe.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
I'm not ignoring your advice (preferences). For example, I think the Mona Lisa could be improved with via sensuous Asian instead of mysterious Italian.
Perhaps you might create your own rendition? The thoughts there - express yourself; paint with your thoughts (without semicolons, if you dare!). I shall feel free to comment, or even not, and you needn't change a word of it.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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W∴ Balboos wrote: mysterious Italian
Nothing mysterious; it's a self-portrait (which is why he named it "La Gioconda" -- the big female joke; a pun about as good as any in CP).
W∴ Balboos wrote: Perhaps you might create your own rendition?
I spend too much time working on that kind of thing already. I don't need to do more in my down time.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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For standard prose, my two main influences are Kurt Vonnegut and Theodor Geisel[^].
I find the latter influence particularly suitable for discussions with management.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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I don't have influences. I write my own way.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I'd like to imagine that about myself. But what musician, no matter how good, hasn't listened to other musicians and found like and dislikes.
Indeed, all we do is a influenced by all we've done.
Spiced by what we'd care to do; diminished by what we fear might come.
Who doesn't see their fathers or mothers or siblings or friends affectations upon themselves?
Thus, when ego tells me "I make the mold that I am", realization reminds me that someone taught me the art of mold-making and what things go into a mold. Everything influences everything.
Everything does happen for a reason.
Not to prepare the way to the future but as an inevitable response to the past.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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You obviously haven't read much of my work. The way one uses words doesn't have to work that way. You're not limited by the number of strings, keys, or notes.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Cancer killed both of my parents so I take steps to avoid activities that would cause cancer.
You post every year about your sister and getting drunk; you 'honor' her memory by getting drunk which can lead to liver cancer.
Hmm.. think that one through.
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The trouble is that you can't predict or prevent (the thousand forms of) cancer.
The main cause of melanoma is sunlight, and the main cause of other cancers is oxygen. If you cut those out of your life, you're dead, anyway.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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With the subject you used I thought you had prostate cancer.
Sorry about your lose, I lose my dad to cancer, and have had prostate cancer myself, but never though to get drunk over it.
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
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If there is an afterlife, Mate, she'll be looking down on you and smiling at your remembrance of her.
The way you honour her passing, even after such a long time, is a diamond. Good on you.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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If you study philosophy, are you just seeking your Nietzsche?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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This is a timely thought, as I am in Philosophy class today.
It's required GenED in Indiana.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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To Hume are you addressing this thought?
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Why would I? That's like putting the horse before Descartes!
/ravi
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You're right of course, I wouldn't want to create that much confucious.
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I give you high Marx for that.
/ravi
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That's a relief, I thought you might be Lenin the other way.
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
"I don't drink any more... then again, I don't drink any less." - Mike Mullikins uncle
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I though not to Rashi to anything with my reply. I might lao-tzu to make a pun now and then, but
that being said, I gestalt you'll continue, anyway.
| Ravings en masse^ |
|---|
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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