Welcome to the Lounge

H: This is a bit strange, meeting like this, but I don't mind you being late ... gave me a bit of time to kind of get "centered."<br />
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S: Indeed, our compatibility profiles do indicate we'd both find this strange, be a bit self-conscious ... awkward ... about ... this. And, your profile does show you are quite flexible in interpersonal interaction ... as long as the context is outside work-related stuff.<br />
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H. I took the liberty of ordering what I'm having for you since your profile shows you are often more comfortable as a 'follower,' and shows our tastes in food in early evening meals is almost identical.<br />
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S: I guess that does make me a bit uncomfortable, but it also makes me wonder what version of "HowAboutYouAndMe" you're using to view my profiles.<br />
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H. I'm using version fifteen; aren't you ?<br />
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S: No, I'm using the sixteen beta, but I am in the loop for preview betas.<br />
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H: That's impressive, I didn't see any sign in your profiles you were an early adopter.<br />
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S: I think the company may want to keep the preview "under-wraps" ... and, it is the only software I'm doing this for.<br />
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H: But, you said you were uncomfortable about my ordering for you, which, of course, I respect ... and, that does make me wonder about what I might be missing in your profiles.<br />
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S: Perhaps a few dimensions of me that ... well, I forgot about this ... the new software may be interpolating some statistically valid inferences that are only visible in version sixteen.<br />
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H: Well, I feel a little uncomfortable with you spending more time telling me about what I don't know about you, than sharing yourself with me.<br />
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S: Uh-oh, we may be headed toward an escalation here ... both our profiles indicate a tendency to fixate on small irritations, and turn them into conflict, rather than let them go ...<br />
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H: Are we more than our profiles ?<br />
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S: What ? ... What do you mean by that ? <br />
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H: You didn't see that coming, did you ?<br />
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S: Are you mocking me ? I'm getting upset ...<br />
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H: No, I'm just really thinking here ...<br />
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S: Perhaps thinking a bit too deeply for a first date ?<br />
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H: Well, that's me, always wanting to go a bit deeper ...<br />
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S: But, that's not me; I like to stay shallow until I know what's in the deeper waters.<br />
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H: I am enjoying your gift for metaphor; I'd guess our reciprocal profile status on that one is congruent.<br />
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S: Yes, you like to hear analogies, parables, rich idiomatic context; I like to use those, but ... and this may seem like a hang-up of mine ...<br />
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H: Yes, I like to hear them, but making them up is not my thing ... and, you don't really like to be on the receiving end of similes, and adages, and such ...<br />
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S: Are we defusing now ?<br />
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H: Yes, and here's dinner, and, I'm really sorry, but I have to leave ... this is just not working for me in spite of all the things our profiles say we share ...<br />
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S: Well, you have to leave, you have to leave ... you will pay for my dinner ?<br />
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H: What ?  Your profile says you are a modern woman who acts independently until she's ready to accept any form of gesture, or act, that may indicate her comfort in a more traditional feminine role ...<br />
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S: You cheap b**terd !<br />
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H: Wow ! That's not in your profile !<br />
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S: And, what's not in your profile besides being a boor, and a bore ?<br />
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H: I'd say this is ... over.<br />
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S: It's over when you pay for the dinner I didn't order.<br />
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H: There's one thing I should tell you ...<br />
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S: If it starts with "I'm sorry," I'm all ears.<br />
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H: I work for "HowAboutYouAndMe."<br />
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S: What ?<br />
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H: I'm a programmer, and I'm doing in vivo field-testing on an early alpha of seventeen ...<br />
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S: You are going to be sorry for this !<br />
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H: But, I really liked you and wanted to meet you !<br />
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S: Oh, was I the best-looking rat in the cage ?<br />
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H: I understand you're upset ...<br />
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S: ... no you don't ! What'd you do: fake your own profile to get me interested ?<br />
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H: No, in fact, I didn't. Testing would mean nothing if any profiles were faked.<br />
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S: And, this is supposed to mean something ?<br />
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H: It does ... mean something ... it means that the inferences version seventeen alpha made about your reactions to ambiguity, and other people appearing irritated, or acting irrational, are, quite possibly, valid.<br />
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S: Liar ! You said you were using fifteen ! I'm leaving, and if you don't pay for my dinner, I'm calling the cops.<br />
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H: Not to worry, the company is paying for dinner, and I have a very special gift for you for your time and trouble ... provided you sign the standard non-disclosure about this test which ... well, here ... read for yourself.<br />
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S: What's the gift ?<br />
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H: A brand new IPad XX, completely tricked out ... <br />
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S: How many cores, how much memory ?<br />
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H: Oh, 32 cores, 256 gigs ram, 8 terabyte ssd, 64 megapixel 4D camera, holograph projector ...<br />
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S: ... I'll take the IPad.<br />
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H: Could you sign the NDA, and hand it to me, please.<br />
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S: Here.<br />
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H: And, here's your IPad.<br />
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S: Thanks for the IPad, and I hope whatever piece of a soul is left in whatever scum you are withers and dies as soon as possible.<br />
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H: Thanks for your understanding; we know how difficult this sense of not being in full control can be for you. ... mmm ... if you ever get over this ... and want to get together ?<br />
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S: That will never happen ... a##hole !<br />
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~<br />
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S. takes a plate of lasagna, and pours it in the lap of H., pours her wine on H.'s head.<br />
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Exit S.