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Oh no! Do we really need the whole bible?
Quote: "What are we going to do?"
"What a Ferengi always does in a situation this grave."
"Panic?"
"No, you idiot! He goes to the Rules of Acquisition. Unabridged and fully annotated with all 47 commentaries, all 900 major and minor judgments, all 10,000 considered opinions. There's a rule for every conceivable situation."
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Software management 5th amendment: "it all depends".
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
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Productivity is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent in meetings.
The most difficult bugs to find are always in the "simplest" code.
The longer it takes to explain your code the more likely it is that you don't understand it.
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We are all Dilbert
I'm pretty sure I would not like to live in a world in which I would never be offended.
I am absolutely certain I don't want to live in a world in which you would never be offended.
Freedom doesn't mean the absence of things you don't like.
Dave
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He who does the least gets paid the most.
And from despair.com...
If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
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Oh, this should be an easy project. That is until you find out all of the requirements.
Common sense is admitting there is cause and effect and that you can exert some control over what you understand.
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And you will never know all the requirements.
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Requirements are top secrete, no one is allowed to truly know them all. Even the requester isn't allowed to know what they seek.
Common sense is admitting there is cause and effect and that you can exert some control over what you understand.
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I don't know why you're required to secrete out of your top....
#SupportHeForShe
Government can give you nothing but what it takes from somebody else. A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you've got, including your freedom.-Ezra Taft Benson
You must accept 1 of 2 basic premises: Either we are alone in the universe or we are not alone. Either way, the implications are staggering!-Wernher von Braun
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LOL, some users and members of management... 
Common sense is admitting there is cause and effect and that you can exert some control over what you understand.
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Codeproject Rules of Software Development?
Klingon rules Software Development.
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Yep, no.17 is my favourite. 
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Mine are Nos. 13, 11, and 3. In that order!
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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If you announce to the universe that you are currently swamped with working on the next release, the universe (or a client) will find an annoying bug in the current release for you to fix that has been escalated to upper management and must be fixed NOW!
Yeah, this one happened to me yesterday.
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Happens to me every week.
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Once you have added your client's most recent "feature" requested, he (or she) will invariably say, "Well if you can do that..".
The more clueless your client is about programming the more he thinks he (or she) knows, and tries to help you out.
The older I get the less sure I am about anything...
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- Never trust a Project Manager that says, "Just use Common Sense."
“Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!
—The Doctor, Season 7, Christmas Special”
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Any one use the word "just", don't stop. Run as fast as you can.
"Just a little change" or "Just do it".
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Instead of using emails to "sign off" for a nation-wide project, use the "brown folders" and internal mail.
Never say you can change the font size; always say the report will need to be "totally redesigned" for a new field / column.
"(I) am amazed to see myself here rather than there ... now rather than then".
― Blaise Pascal
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I think people get furious[^] for the smallest of reasons nowadays. The dogs at the end of your lead ffs. 
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Welcome To The Jungle
Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day ...
Watch it bring you to your shun n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n knees, knees ...
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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Stuart on Twitter: I believe Slash and Axl actually came to blows over this first draft.
https://t.co/Jr1MfV8A2l[^]
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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He should just put his dog in a doggy stroller and go to the mall, like they do around here.
I don't have a dog. I tried dogs, cats and children. None worked out.
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
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That's probably because you tried to treat the cats like dogs, the children like cats, and the dogs like children.
Sent from my Amstrad PC 1640
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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