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My wife has declared that she will eat five cloves of raw garlic before leaving the house.
I'm in the doghouse because I replied by searching for an on-line shop that stocks military-grade gas masks.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I looked at the local governments 'Social Distancing' bulletin...
It looks like I have to start getting out more...
If you can't laugh at yourself - ask me and I will do it for you.
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Reminds me on that one Discworld novel. It was about grandma's goose fat, which properly repelled all infectants via this very mechanism.
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Not showering not only keeps people away, also prevents water pollution and helps keep rivers clean. It is also important to eat garlic, smoke, drink alcohol and lack of oral hygiene. But those resources are circumstantial, not effective in case of nasal congestion, and most importantly: not prevent online communication.
If you really want a hermit top isolation level, simply show your PreSmartPhoneEraStupidNokiaPohne when people want whatsapp communication with you. That's totally effective: people not only discard you for not being able to use whatsapp: you are discarded because nobody wants any kind of relationship with a poor guy not even own a smartphone.
PD. It also helps a lot to speak and write very bad English 
Sorry for my bad English
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Im a computer programmer, i dont need to make a conscious effort
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The Scots mastered social distancing long ago. They play bagpipes.
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Put some vallium in the tea pot; soon they won't be using much bandwidth anymore.
"Five fruits and vegetables a day? What a joke!
Personally, after the third watermelon, I'm full."
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precious bandwidth?
how slow is your link?
I actually downgraded from 1G to 500M and it's still plenty available with 4 active users (netflix, streaming sports, music...).
actually I reckon the 1G was a ripoff, speed test showed pretty much same actual throughputs before and after to o'seas destinations regardless [me and other 3 users] active or quiet.
pestilence [ pes-tl-uh ns ] noun
1. a deadly or virulent epidemic disease. especially bubonic plague.
2. something that is considered harmful, destructive, or evil.
Synonyms: pest, plague, people
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lopatir wrote: 1G to 500M
Holy sunshine. I habe a 20M and I'm LUCKY - it actually goes to 20M instead of 8 like in most places.
Anyway I don't use much bandwidth when working, mostly I need the VPN on for some sw licenses.
GCS d--(d+) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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I've got a 20 that goes to 6 on a good day, yet it's still fast enough for most streaming and series downloads.
"'Do what thou wilt...' is to bid Stars to shine, Vines to bear grapes, Water to seek its level; man is the only being in Nature that has striven to set himself at odds with himself."
—Aleister Crowley
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Tie a knot in their Ethernet cables.
If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, perhaps you don't understand the situation.
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this is exactly how I imagine giving up work from home in favour of work from office 
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I have a feeling "...(nevermind)" not only has considerable backstory of an unpleasant nature, but that you and your wife are taking care of the poor girl. If so, good on you. It's sometimes hard to raise other people's kids.
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Well the quick version is the mother is a tyrant verbally abusing her daughter(s) and husband constantly. The husband does not protect the daughters and supports his wife's abuse against them to protect himself from more abuse from his wife. The younger daughter destroys my son's girlfriend's stuff if she doesn't keep it at our house for safety. It's a mess but she doesn't want to cause any trouble for them so she just stays with us and endures the occasional abusive phone calls from her mother.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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...thinking "I don't want to get Covid-19" 
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"I'll wait for Covid-20 when they've ironed out all the bugs"! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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Johnny J. wrote: "I'll wait for Covid-20 when they've ironed out all the bugs replaced some of the bugs with other bugs, and given it a shiny new icon"
FTFY. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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You make it sound like Microsoft is behind the virus... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
Mark Twain
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Mickeysoft is not behind every dirty olan. There also are Apple, Google, das Fratzenverzeichnis...
I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them were cats.
His last invention was an evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone, and it actually tasted pretty good.
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Unfortunately, it won't happen until .MED Core 2.0 comes out. You'll need it to "leverage" the devastating power of this new infection.
"Five fruits and vegetables a day? What a joke!
Personally, after the third watermelon, I'm full."
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Better monitor than the one at work + HDMI switch so I can use my uber-powerful PC during the long build times (up to 40 minutes per build).
VPN was the customer's one and does not allow differential routing so being home makes me free to use Internet on my other PCs.
Wife is working in the next room, which makes for an improved work environment - I prefer 1000 times my wife to any number of coworkers. There is silence, which at work never is. Nobody peeks on what I'm doing or ambles back and forth behind me.
On top of everything, no longer 2 hours commute morning and evening, with much improved sleeping hours and stress finally levels in the green zone.
GCS d--(d+) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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Quote: Home Office - Heaven is a place on Earth
Apparently there are no children in your family. 
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Nope, not yet and not for a while.
GCS d--(d+) s-/++ a C++++ U+++ P- L+@ E-- W++ N+ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t+ 5? X R+++ tv-- b+(+++) DI+++ D++ G e++ h--- r+++ y+++* Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
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