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I won't get involved - even for pay - as then you are permanently on call for their problems.
If you were a store, you'd say "out of warranty" and charge them some more and they'd not think twice. But you're not a store and you are thereby indentured to them for life.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Exactly.
If I start charging for "real" money (in the sense of making it worth my time), then I put myself on the hook for making sure things keep running. If I don't...then I might be able to eventually guilt someone for something in return. But some really don't.
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When asked for recommendations, I usually explain that I work on professional equipment designed for a very different job to a domestic user. I say it's a bit like asking an F1 racing driver for advice on a budget runabout, or a long-distance trucker advice on which city car to buy.
If pressed I explain further that I just program the things. You wouldn't ask an aircraft technician to fly your 747.
Even if they don't "get" the comparison, they usually get that you're just not that keen on helping with their particular predicament. If all else fails I just tell them they couldn't afford my fees.
That generally works though in true emergencies I have been known to save the day, as I'm sure we all have.
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DerekTP123 wrote: Even if they don't "get" the comparison, they usually get that you're just not that keen on helping with their particular predicament. If all else fails I just tell them they couldn't afford my fees.
I'm man enough to admit I perhaps don't have the balls to word it that way. 
I do tell people they're getting help from someone who's been earning a living writing software for over two decades, and not just the guy from Best Buy. I just can't bring myself to charge for it.
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Nope. If you have her address just ship it to her instead of dropping it off.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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I spent well over a decade being the go to computer guy in my circle of family and friends until I finally had enough and just flat out refused requests for help, instead providing guidance for obtaining help from professional services. Too much of my personal time spent without anything in return, but frankly that was mostly because I'm a very self-sufficient person, whether it's computer repairs, home repairs, car repairs, even just cooking. I do all that and more myself. More than a decade later, I don't regret that decision one bit.
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I also stopped helping people with computers. I had several bad instances but I eventually lost a friend because his dad expected me to be the continuous computer support for his computer and he lived 2 hours away.
It's just not worth it. I just say I have an hourly rate and there is a minimum, even for me to look at it, and that sends most people the other way.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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That'd be a dick move. Brand new laptop, no telling how long it'd stay outdoors (it's well below freezing point around here these days), plus I'd end up having to pay for that shipping.
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I shut-down my family’s access to my 'computer guy' abilities when I was about your age (10 years ago). For me, it came-down to basic human consideration (or lack thereof).
I had a strong desire to be kind, help, and do so without expecting anything in return. What I accomplished was to communicate that I exist to help them with their computer problems... Any problem, any time, regardless of what was happening in my life. I was expected to accommodate them without cognition (apparently by either of us) that I too needed basic consideration.
I didn’t realize that I did have a price: Consideration for me, and my need for them to attempt to learn (however much they were capable) to fend for themselves… Yet, they always wanted me to bring them a "fish", and I needed to see them desire to learn to fish themselves, even if they could only catch a bluegill, and I always brought them tuna steaks.
I resigned when I literally was told that I was supposed to help them whenever they asked.
It is up to each of us to decide how much we allow others to disrespect our time. I found my limit. I recommend dealing with it effectively before it can harm you & your relations.
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cmkrnl wrote: I resigned when I literally was told that I was supposed to help them whenever they asked.
It is up to each of us to decide how much we allow others to disrespect our time. I found my limit. I recommend dealing with it effectively before it can harm you & your relations.
My sister pushed me over that limit when I asked her to sit and watch how I fixed a problem she kept running across a few years ago. She insisted I just fix it again whenever it happened and refused to try to sit and learn (and yes, it's the same sister who gave my name to that friend of hers).
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As the "computer guy" I got in the habit of telling people to bring their computer to my house to fix it. You'd be surprised how lazy people are in that they can't even be bothered to drop a computer off to be repaired for free. Got me out of 98% of requested repairs. 
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That much is a given nowadays, especially for complete strangers. Moreso when we're talking about a laptop. What I can't get out of is if they're incapable of setting up their wifi connection or printer or something like that...
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Just say "No". Have been in the business 30 years. A few close friends and immediate family only. Otherwise buy what ever is on sale or call my repair guy, Laptop Dave.
modified 1-Feb-19 12:34pm.
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I must act very patronizing to my family when they ask for help, so my family rarely asks. I didn’t think so, but the results speak for themselves. Most times, I have to volunteer something. I’ve also found that providing very detailed, step-by-step instructions can get people through a lot of things they would have otherwise been incapable of. My sister recently swapped the HDD for an SSD on her laptop based on instructions I emailed to her. She had one little problem but she and her hubby figured it out on their own. They were very proud of themselves for getting through it. Generating the instructions didn’t take much longer than actually doing it myself, since I didn’t have to sit around waiting for the disk clone to finish.
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I normally use the great technique of recommending only what I would buy and am comfortable supporting. Generally, these are relatively expensive, and almost no one EVER follows my recommendations. In return, when there are problems, "I would help had you followed my recommendation, but I don't know the technology you've chosen; sorry." 
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I like it.
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I don't think you're overreacting a bit. I've done exactly that - delivered, dropped off, or told them to pick up the computer at the agreed upon date without the recipient having stopped by to set up their user account, peripherals, and such. Only when it's family do I really try to adjust and coordinate and get it worked out.
I'm "the tech guy" at work and at home. At work we're on a 4-year refresh cycle for computers, and employees get first crack at buying their old office machines for a nominal sum and taking them home [after I reset them and wipe the free space on the drive]. Great deal for $25 bucks. But the office has a very clear policy on future support - Bob's not responsible for any help once it leaves the office. If I agree to help, it's on my own time.
It's only happened once that a now-home-machine came back. The employee had a sheepish look asking for help (No kidding She said, "my Dad goes weird places on the internet and now it doesn't work". The thing was totally riddled with viruses. "I don't get an antivirus?", I was asked. "Not for $25." I ended up resetting the machine from disk ("Where are all my Dad's files?" I answered, "The virus ate them. Tell your dad to get a different hobby. And, please don't bring this back into the office.")
I actually enjoy the work - something different everyday, but I have billable work to do and this kind of tech stuff takes a back seat.
- Bob
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Husband, father, veteran, hunter-gatherer, engineer,
welder, owner-builder, beekeeper, coffee roaster
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Actual outcome?
Had dinner at a restaurant with my folks yesterday evening and came back late; no phonecall, no follow-up, nothing. The laptop's still here (obviously), and I'm not gonna be the one calling her to enquire - but setting it up will be on my own schedule (some weekend, not a workday evening). She's gonna have to take it or leave it.
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Perfectly reasonable. 
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I think that you have some responsibility for this problem, though, unless things at her end have genuinely been screwed up by factors completely beyond her control (and she still owed you a phone call or other message if this is the case), she is certainly taking you for granted to an unacceptable degree. The one thing I would have done differently is to insist on making the appointment to do the local setup before taking the laptop home. If the two of you couldn't then come up with a mutually satisfactory date/time before your back to work deadline, I would either just have handed her the laptop or have set a time to drop it off after doing whatever you could and/or were prepared to do at your place, explaining in either case that she would need someone else to do the rest of the setup.
My family know that I will help them out (most of them are sufficiently computer savvy that the problems they run into are of some inherent interest!), but that I work for others only on a commercial basis.
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Awww...
What if her cat gave birth...
That's why she can't contact you.
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I found a friend who has a small garage shop and enjoys doing this kind of thing.
When I get asked I say “I mostly do software work, but I have this friend who is very reasonable and will do you a good job.”
Out comes his card, win, win, win, everyone happy.
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I don't think you're over-reacting, and after reading all of the replies and your's - well, you've already taken your action, so I'm not going to recommend anything else.
But for what it's worth, I used to be in this position with my wife's family and friends. She could see how it frustrated me, so now she just tells people that I don't do that kind of stuff, that I don't know anything about windows or macs, etc. Basically, she tells them I'm incompetent around computers, despite the fact that I owned my first computer and was coding in assembler back in the 1980s as a kid.
Anyhow - for a while she told them I only knew Linux, and nothing else; of course all that is a fat lie, because I can find my way around any system you plop me in front of (ok - I might have difficulties with an old Vaxen or Symbolics Lisp machine - never touched either outside of a museum). But if it's anything consumer related made in past 20 years, I'll probably not have a problem. Heck, even an Amiga or older 8-bit machines aren't entirely out of the question either.
But nope - all I know is Linux, stupid on anything else. But of course, now, I don't even know that (maybe I should have my wife tell 'em I only know TempleOS and it would be blasphemy to help unbelievers?)...
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No. But I bet if you go to her place, she won't be home.
"(I) am amazed to see myself here rather than there ... now rather than then".
― Blaise Pascal
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