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Having my SUV pulled out of a mud hole. "Road service doesn't cover it; you're not on the road. $150, or stay there." 
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Marriage Licence. 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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They're lots cheaper than divorce proceedings. Which, if your missus see's this, you may find out first hand! 
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
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The one leads to the other: or at least, you can't get the latter without the former!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Given Griff's history of comments, I'm pretty sure she's not a member. Also, she'd have to know it was him, although he has probably posted enough evidence over the years to leave little doubt!
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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I'm in the lucky position that she is not that computer literate: she hasn't powered up her PC in about two years, and I redirected all her email to my address after her friends complained she never read her mail.
Plus, she is so worried about "breaking my computer" that she won't even dust the mouse!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Oh well, they say opposite's attract. 
On that subject: Do you dust your mouse often?
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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Yep. You'd be amazed how much nasty stuff gets in there...but it's an "upside down" mouse - a trackball that you work with your thumb. So a lot of sweat and skin cells and general dirt gets taken in with the ball, and needs to be cleaned out regularly or the movement gets jerky.
I dust my keyboard as well - before you ask - with a small soft paintbrush to get between the keys.
If you don't, try an experiment. Get a sheet of A3, and shake your keyboard upside down over it....
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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3 M&Ms, a slightly shrivelled peanut and, somewhat mysteriously a ham sandwich.
I don't feel very well now, I think I should have left the sandwich. Was that Dr Zeuss book "Green Ham and Eggs"?
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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That's either a very big keyboard, or a very small sandwich!
Or do you normally use it as a plate and forgot to eat your lunch? What happens when you have soup?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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That explains what the goopy stuff was.
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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OriginalGriff wrote: small soft paintbrush
The vacuum cleaner with the attached brush (for gentle stuff) do miracles for me...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Mouse hygiene is critical and cannot be done enough. You should also enlist the help of someone else to assist - dusting someone else's mouse is fun and informative and leads to general contentment and feeling at one with the universe. It is also a great stress relief.
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Not opposite ... he's computer illiterate too.
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Very good! Is there such a thing in reality? I'm married and don't think I possess such a thing.
Regards,
Rob Philpott.
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Depends where you wed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_license[^] - I don't think there is a "paper version" any more in the UK, just the requirement of the notice publication for fifteen days.
Some countries though: NZ[^] do require you to pay for one first.
The bad news: they don't expire, and you can't lose it for bad behaviour...unless she finds out, in which case you lose everything!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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How much that costs?
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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All your worldly possessions, now and for ever.
"What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too."
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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You payed way too much...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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My nephew married a girl from S Africa (a Zulu, I believe). His family was supposed to pay her family a cow. It, of course, doesn't work like that in the UK. Instead of paying cash up front, you pay on the "never-never".
While on the subject of the African dowry, I suggested that as it's supposed to take a large quantity of cow to make demi glace, I suggested it might be easier to ship them a gallon or two. I then wondered if they'd know the difference between demi glace and Gravy Granules, so I suggested a case of that instead.
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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And your sig is clearly pro-penguin, so it's obviously anti-killer whale.
As someone who quite likes killer whales, I'm offended!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Now that is a clear case of 'reading-between-the-lines'...Where do you came to the conclusion that penguins are involved in my signature?
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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MQOTD?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Marrigae License? Is that something like a driver's license, i. e. do you need to pass a test? And how many hours of theoretical and practical training do you need until you're admitted?
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My '94 chevy blazer, what a piece of money sucking, leave me stranded in the middle of f'n nowhere, drives like sh!t, crap! It was the last straw in a succession of lousy american vehicles I've owned. I, and it pains me somewhat to say this, have not purchased an american car since. I'll get my fire suit on now. 
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
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