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Nagy Vilmos wrote: His wife of 22 years has complained to our Mum that "The constant hospital have left her drained." and asked for help ferrying him to and fro.
What I'm about to say is my own stupid opinion and will most likely offend some here, but...
If a "wife" is tired of helping her husband, especially if he is this sick, and is tapping out, so to speak, then I have to question her love and loyalty to her husband, as a whole.
BTW, Nagy, if this offends you, I will remove it. Just wanted to share my strong opinion on this topic you posted. I have seen similar scenarios in the past, and this is motive for my opinion.
Stay strong.
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Offend? Have a 
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Sorry to hear about the whole situation. I am sure it must be difficult for everyone.
It's difficult for me to say whether you should laugh or cry. But what I will say is give her the benefit of the doubt. She may be thinking of the worse case scenarios so often that it is mentally draining her.
As others have stated it is good to at least speak this out to fellow cp'ers (CPians?) who have a sympathetic ear to listen.
You and your family are in my prayers.
"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul."
-Douglas MacArthur
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Sorry to hear that Nagy.
It's easy to understand your frustration / anger with that. But it is difficult to say anything about the situation. So I won't.
Best wishes for you and your family.![Rose | [Rose]](https://codeproject.global.ssl.fastly.net/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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Our thoughts to you and your brother my friend.
Your SIL wouldn't be the first in-law that prompts visions of being strangled with their own entrails.
I hope that you can take refuge in some of that wine you posted on yesterday and that your world rights itself soon.
Life is like a s**t sandwich; the more bread you have, the less s**t you eat.
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Agreed, this is not relaxing.
And no, it is not hard to judge...
After reading some of your posts here...
I feel sorry for your family and you.
What a...
Why have you posted this on the lounge? That was clearly soapbox material... now we can't tell you what we think.
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Just let it go, some people just doesn't have it, and aren't worth the cursing.
Curse the cancer instead, and keep affectionate to your Mother. She's the one needing it most.
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Imagine, if you will, that Mrs. Wife or a Likkley was 'at deaths door' and you were taking them to hospital two or three times a week. On top of the absolute nightmare that is the emotional angst of something like this, you have to face this. Just not nice, at all.
So if you reach out and ask for help you get bitch-slapped by the BIL?\
Sure, your dear old Ma probably isn't the best person to help - but is there anyone else she has to call upon to help?
You're not working right now, are you? Could you you lend a hand?
Nagy Vilmos wrote: I really don't know if I should laugh or cry.
You should cry. It's a terrible situation for your Bruv & SIL to be in. And your Mum.
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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I don't need to imagine what it would be like. My father in law lived with us and he died from fecking cancer three years ago. I've been there, got the T, etc, etc, etc. It doesn't matter sh!t who you are, how you feel, what you want - the patient comes first every friggin time.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: My father in law lived with us and he died from fecking cancer three years ago. I've been there, got the T
And you didn't get any help? I not, then you deserve a sainthood. When Mrs. Max was at death's door (she did, I have to say, recover eventually) I was completely shagged sideways for a while - and had nowhere to turn for help (believe me, I tried!) If her parents - or frankly anyone - had been available to help take some of the strain, I'd have leaped at the chance.
Alas, all the rellos are either dead or in another country - so I had no choice.
Nagy Vilmos wrote: It doesn't matter sh!t who you are, how you feel, what you want - the patient comes first every friggin time.
well, not nitpicking or anything, but taking care of yourself first is a bit of a mantra around carers. There's no point in you having a breakdown when you're trying to look after someone who just doesn't have a choice - so you need to stay well and strong. It takes a strong person to ask for help. Now, maybe your SIL is being a selfish cow and wants to go down the pub for the day while your Mama takes her son to the quack's - or maybe she's crying to herself every night while hubby sleeps, is at the end of her tether, and doesn't know where to turn to - I don't know - but having a bloke's Mum take him to hospital if his Wife is unavailable is maybe not too bad a thing?
I mean, maybe your bruv might have suggested Wifey might get Mumsy to accompany him?
Or, maybe, SIL is just a completely selfish biatch, who has been waiting 22 years for a moment to take off on the town while Hubby is being prodded by the quacks.
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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_Maxxx_ wrote: I mean, maybe your bruv might have suggested Wifey might get Mumsy to accompany him?
Or, maybe, SIL is just a completely selfish biatch, who has been waiting 22 years for a moment to take off on the town while Hubby is being prodded by the quacks.
More the later then the former.
AS for the help we got, until the end - and I mean the last two months - we were pretty much on our own. Mrs Wife and I had to co-ordinate over his treatment, as he spoke very little English so someone had to normally go with him. At the end we had a lot of help from Trinity Hospice and for the last two weeks we had a nurse in 24/7.
However it was Mrs Wife and I who sat with him and held his hands as he took his last faltered breaths.
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Just remember, there were two of you. From what you have said, there is one of SIL - it's amazing how much support you and your Mrs. would have given one another that just isn't available to your SIL.
Not belittling your situation at all - rather looking for compassion for your SIL in her (and your Brother's) time of need.
Of course, if she is more of the latter, maybe he's better of having his Mum there anyway!
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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Sorry to hear of your family's troubles. ![Rose | [Rose]](https://www.codeproject.com/script/Forums/Images/rose.gif)
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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Astonishing!
It's a zero-profit company as of now.
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Nish Sivakumar wrote: It's a zero-profit company as of now
Since when does that matter ? I don't expect toys to be profitable... 
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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I just don't get it though. It's only an estimate, but they did refuse a $3 billion Facebook buy-out offer last year.
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Seriously now, this has already happened[^].
Either they are so confident with the product that they expect earning money with it, or they think they can sell it for more.
But I agree, this is crazy on both sides : to offer so much money for something with still no return on invest, about as crazy as the other side refusing the offer.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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Don't forget $FB refused a $1billion $YHOO buyout years ago. Zuck would have kicked himself in the pants now if he took that offer. There's more to it than money. There's a passion in the mission statement at $FB. But what is SnapChat's mission statement? Who knows.
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It's smelling an awful lot like 1997 out there on dem innernetz
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mikepwilson wrote: It's smelling an awful lot like 1997 out there on dem innernetz
Yeah, it's like seeing bubbles everywhere.
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Absolutely.
When people buying companies that have no revenue stream for numbers like "3/10 billion", you know there's a problem.
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Yes, it's insane. I wish I'd thought of it!
Will Rogers never met me.
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The last company I worked for closed. Now I am back at the first job (I've only worked 2 places as a programmer).
My job is mostly updating the old stuff. We have a dos POS type system, flat file data structure, etc. The systems we use are all separate, and we need them to talk to one another. Stuff like that.
We are nearly ready to start working on our tablet system. It's been a long year, but I been working my tail off. Anything new has been written in c#/MVC, and I've been replacing, updating, and maintaining all of the other stuff.
We are starting to lose our customers to a competitor who already has tablet ordering. The problem with that is that they pretty much go by word of mouth in that community, so it's safe to say if we lose one and it goes well, then we'll lose more. So, I have till January probably to make the splash, or this company may start down sizing.
I'm not even sure at what point it's too late. I know that we better have it on the show floors by January, but I'm not sure that will save us either.
Elephant elephant elephant, sunshine sunshine sunshine
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This is the point at which your sales/marketing team needs to engage with the customers you have left. Just because you've lost some customers, it doesn't mean that you'll lose them all. They need to be asking them what they need, and what they need that the competition doesn't offer - that's what you need to be building.
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loctrice wrote: The last company I worked for closed. Now I am back at the first job (I've only worked 2 places as a programmer).
Mybe time to search for a 3rd one with better perspectives of future?
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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