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I was going to say something about keeping a toilet roll in the freezer, but on reflection I decided not to.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Hi Bjorn, I'm really sorry to hear about your condition. I assume you've gotten a thorough neurological examination ? A medical diagnosis of what's going on with you ? While stress-related "burn-out" definitely has a variety of possible neurological, cognitive, and behavioral, side-effects, what you describe sounds more like a clinical medical syndrome.
best wishes for your health, and peace of mind, Bill
“I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: They amount to 14.” Abd-Ar Rahman III, Caliph of Cordoba, circa 950CE.
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Thanks Bill.
Yea I have. I've also suffered from migraines since I was a teenager, and they did several detailed studies (CAT scans, etc). So my problem is neurological in general. Now at 47 yrs luckily my migraines have almost gone away, but the burnout symptoms unfortunately have become chronic.
It is possible there is an underlying cause for all this that can be found, some kind of chemical imbalance or similar, but it seems that doctors aren't skilled enough to find it. I do regular health checks and the numbers are always really good. Officially I am a really healthy subject, but that's certainly not how it feels.
One thing that I lack is the ability to see when I push myself too hard, and that is probably what got me into this mess. There is no alarm in my body that goes off and makes me take a step back. When it comes to mental tasks its very subjective, so how can you know if you really reached your limit? But when I started measuring my heart rate while doing my usual cardio training, it turns out that I spend a great deal of time at heart rates that other people find intolerable. Those heart rates (+90% of HRmax) reliably lead to injury or general damage to the body.
I always thought I was a high performer, above average in most things I do, when it turns out I'm probably of average intelligence and physique, but with an ability to push myself way beyond what is healthy. However, just telling myself to "take it easy" doesnt seem to matter anymore.
Bjorn
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Look up Rudyard Kipling's "Hymn of Breaking Strain". Everyone will break, if subjected to enough stress. The amount we each can tolerate is different, and it doesn't seem to matter whether it's self-inflicted or from the environment. Most think we're above average, half of us aren't.
Maybe also read / listen to "Undoing Depression" by Cr. Richard Conner. The book is as much about sudden and chronic stress as it is about anything else.
One thing I noticed when doing Cardio with a desired heart rate, was that when I listened to good comedy, or watched BlackAdder, the machine would have to dial up the resistance 10-20% to get my heart rate to 130.
Quite literally, when my stress went down, I got more work done.
It might not feel productive to go for a half hour walk instead of spending that time bashing away at an intractable problem, but do it.
I've recently come out the other side of a 3 year long stressful (toxic co-worker) situation. It wasn't just the 3 years lost, it probably shortened my life by an additional year or two. Never again.
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Thanks Randy, will look up that stuff!
Bjorn
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once you have experienced it, I think you can see it coming - my philosophy is that life's too short to make yourself ill for "the man" - so I've always kind of stopped stressing once the stress levels become high.
Easy to say - not easy to do. I get worked up and stressed at the office, & don't have another job to go to at present, so I just try to make sure I don't let it go too far. take a day off here and there, and just chill.
Long ago a consultant on a project I was involved in (as an external resource, fortunately) suffered a lot of stress, and was found on top of the building, in the middle of the night, howling at the moon.
I decided then that I wasn't being paid enough to let that happen to me!
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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I had a major melt down years ago and I just walked away from a high paying prestigious job and started working in the construction field. Working outside and with my hands was very therapeutic!
I still do programming but I may get hot on a project and spend night and day on it for anywhere from a week to a couple of months then I may not touch it for months. Last time I opened VS2010 was about a year ago, I also love embedded and haven't touched it in about 6 months.
I have to admit though one of the reasons I've been so lax at programming is I've been traveling a lot and am a budding photographer and spend a lot of time with that.
I learned a long time ago; "If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting"
Good luck Bjorn
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Mike Hankey wrote: I learned a long time ago; "If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting"
That's one of the problems really - you get used to it, so you don't notice how much stress you are under until either you crack or are forced away from the source by other events. And because you are "coping" and doing the work you get more pressure put on you...
I've never burnt out, but I didn't really how much stress I was working under all the time until I was forced not to work for four years by an accident. Now I monitor how much I'm doing and I am pretty much stress free. As a result, I gave up smoking, and hardly drink at all - where I was a 20~30 a day / wine box a night person when I was working for others.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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One of the reason for my leaving programming was that I was going through a VERY rough divorce and I thought if I gotta start over with nothing then I'm going to try to start out without the stress of the job. It still took me another 8 years to totally get away from my ex.
About 4 years ago I just quit drinking, rarely drink now and quit smoking, also stopped chasing fat girls. 
Been a long road but I don't worry about much any more and live a fairly stress free life. I always knew I was a bit of a loner but in the past few years have become self sufficient and prefer to be alone.
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Mike Hankey wrote: also stopped chasing fat girls
I never started: always worried I might catch 'em, and then what? 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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OriginalGriff wrote: I never started: always worried I might catch 'em, and then what?
I was always to drunk to catch them so didn't worry about that.
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Oooh! Beer goggles![^] Nasty... 
That's...bad news...very bad news[^] (NSF anyone with a working oesophagus  )
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Beer goggles, makes a butt disappear don' it? 
It's amazing how much better they look after a 12 pack.
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Amen brother, still got both arms though.
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Mike Hankey wrote: It's amazing how much better they look after a 12 pack.
I was going to say after 12 o'clock. Then again that would have been after a 12 pack.
They all look better at closing time. 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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JimmyRopes wrote:
I was going to say after 12 o'clock. Then again that would have been after a 12 pack.
They all look better at closing time.
Agreed
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Mike Hankey wrote: About 4 years ago I just quit drinking ... and quit smoking, also stopped chasing fat girls.
If it weren't for drunk fat girls I wouldn't have had much of a sex life! 
Once you lose your pride the rest is easy.
I would agree with you but then we both would be wrong.
The report of my death was an exaggeration - Mark Twain
Simply Elegant Designs JimmyRopes Designs
I'm on-line therefore I am.
JimmyRopes
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JimmyRopes wrote: If it weren't for drunk fat girls I wouldn't have had much of a sex life!
I've had my quota too!
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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Thanks Mike.
I did something similar. I took three years off and built a farm in the country side. It was a very rewarding experience and I also felt a lot better, so obviously this is what I should continue doing. But I have no passion for it as I have with software development. It's a tough choice. Farming makes me healthy but bored, programming makes me unhealthy but stimulated.
Bjorn
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I completely understand, it gets in your blood. I will never quite programming but am doing it for myself now, no deadlines, no bosses.
Good luck to ya!
As I grow older I've found that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
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bjoernen wrote: Farming makes me healthy but bored, programming makes me unhealthy but stimulated.
This is exactly what I'm going through right now. Not with farming, but general physical activity as well. It's a tough paradox to be intelligent, we want mental stimulation, but we can't reach our full intellectual height without taking care of the body as well since that's what helps give us the intelligence in the first place.
Jeremy Falcon
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That's my dream. Have my own farm, work with soil out there; have my office inside and work in it other times. I may be wrong but I expect to have enough free time from both of them to satisfy the other.
You already have the experience, so what do you think? Would that be an alternative for you or am I dreaming too much?
"The primary trait of a good programmer is laziness. Nobody works harder to do nothing than a good programmer." - MehGerbil
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It depends on how practical of a person you are. Farming is a lot less glamorous than most people think. Its a lot about digging ditches and being out in the rain. And it is time consuming, so I'm not sure if you can manage software development at the same time. Plus if you want to do it commercially you will be competing with lots of people who don't have a choice but be farmers, and they usually settle for less pay. If I were you I would keep my job in the software business, and buy a cottage in the country side, and do a little gardening in the weekends.
Bjorn
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That's a tough question and no easy answer.
Some things I noticed about myself:
Getting tired very quickly turned out to be due to eye strain - glasses are helping with that problem.
Cloudy mind - I discovered a while back that drinking soy smoothies was affecting my mental clarity. That led to some other interesting self-diagnosis such as paying attention to pollen counts. My mood and clarity is also highly affected by B vitamins. It's amazing how much better I feel with some B vitamin supplements. BTW, B vitamin deficiency is definitely linked to nerve damage / issues.
Psychologically, I find it really helpful to step back from my work and ask myself what is rewarding about it and what is making me miserable. A lot of times, the misery part can actually be improved by simply improving a process. I also have at least one interesting personal side project that keeps my mind and soul happy, especially when faced with the understandable occurrences of drudge work. For misery that can't be improved, I try to work with it in healthy ways -- prioritize it, confront it, deal with it first. Funny thing is, it always seems more miserable than it actually is: my mind creates a lot more suffering just thinking about doing some drudge work than the drudge work actually warrants.
I have a cat. Provides a lot of entertainment and fun (so does the gf, but not in the same way as the cat.)
That's my 2c.
Marc
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