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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father
as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up
from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer,
and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up
and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm
disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence
that Jesus had long hair."
(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
"Did you also notice in the Bible that they all walked everywhere they went?"
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Vivic wrote: (You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Vivic wrote: (You're going to love guess the Dad's reply!)
FFY.
Veni, vidi, vici.
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Didn't the fishermen go by boat?
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The fishermen did, but Jesus missed the boat and walked out to chat with them.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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How could someone omniscient miss the boat? 
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Wasn't him, was the fishermen who left too early. 
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Wouldn't someone omniscient have known that they were going to leave early?
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Of course, but his point would never have been made with the lesson he was trying to teach them.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Can't tell if you are serious or not. But Jesus told them to get in the boat and go. See Matthew 14:22.
Brent
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Gee, I got the hair speech a long time ago...
Charlie Gilley
<italic>You're going to tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to beat you to death in your own house.
"Where liberty dwells, there is my country." B. Franklin, 1783
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
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I'm almost certain my dad was a recipient of that speech. As for my parents, I never did anything crazy with my hair (I'd rather sleep late in the morning), but they never hassled my brother over the foot high mohawk had one year: Dad couldn't without being an epic hypocrite; as far as Mom was concerned making himself look like an idiot with his hair was a form of rebellion that wouldn't have any long term problems; and was much better than some of the things he could have done instead. 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?" The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
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In the bathrooms at work, we have these automatic air freshener things. They are 'industrial grade' and make a loud hissing noise when they do their thing. That scares the crap out of me every time I am sitting and relaxing on the throne. 
Soren Madsen
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly" - Jase #DuckDynasty
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SoMad wrote: scares the crap out of me every time I am sitting and relaxing on the throne
Then it is doing it's job.
Independent ACN Business OwnerNeed a new cell phone? We supply most of the major carriers. Telus in Canada. Flash, Verizon, T-Mobile and Sprint in the USA. O 2, talkmobile, tmobile, orange, three, and vodafone in Europe. See my website for details.
Within you lies the power for good - Use it!
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LOL!
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor
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Hence the subject title... 
Soren Madsen
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly" - Jase #DuckDynasty
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"Two birds . . . "
Then you obviously weren't in the bathroom alone.
(or there's something about you we'd rater not think about)
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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PJ Arends wrote: Then it is doing it's job
I would go as far as to say it's pulling double doody. 
Soren Madsen
"When you don't know what you're doing it's best to do it quickly" - Jase #DuckDynasty
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In short: The below noted article is *EXCEEDINGLY* offensive and needs to be immediately removed.
While my heritage is not from spanish-speaking or Hispanic cultures, I am personally offended by how this article is presented wherein both an individual and multiple cultures of people are disparagingly degraded and/or demeaned, implied and/or explicit, throughout this article.
It is stated that this article be immediately removed.
Make Rush Limbaugh Talk Like a Mexican[^]
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Yes, I've reported it.
Man, the guy doesn't even use a Dictionary let alone Regular Expressions.
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Oh my, I was always afraid to publish articles, because I thought they wouldn't be technically perfect enough.
modified 20-Oct-19 21:02pm.
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The article is now removed.
Whilst I truly appreciate your Action of reporting The article I ask You to report inappropriate items at the spam and abuse watch Forum [^]
Veni, vidi, caecus
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Marco Bertschi wrote: The article is now removed.
Uh, no it isn't. I was able to click on the OP's link and got right to it.
[edit]Hmmm, nevermind...I think I'm seeing it because I have editor privs or something like that.[/edit]
Marc
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