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One of my many reasons why i don't like laptops 
1) you cannot hock up the 42 inch + tv on the second hdmi output together with the monitor in the first hdmi output
2)if your card goes to hell(damn you Sapphire) rarely you can change it in your laptop with fair price[true story]
3)Bob help you if your motherboard's chipset decides to retire
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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Don't buy one. Get yourself a nice desktop pc 
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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Desktops don't travel well. That's why they [laptops] were invented 
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Or do what I do and have an awesome desktop with a fairly cheap laptop. I remote in to the desktop from wherever I am at and do development that way.
When I am at home in front of the desktop, I get my 4 1920x1080 monitors for doing a multimonitor app that we have, and on the road, I get access to it for its speed in building stuff.
Best of both worlds......
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My desktop pc travels very good, all extras included. By my calculations it traveled around 1k miles (if 1km = 1.6 miles)
Microsoft ... the only place where VARIANT_TRUE != true
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I've purchased 5 ASUS laptops (myself/friends/family) and they've all been good.
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Get one with a battery and a monitor. Without those they aren't much use.
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Both excellent suggestions
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http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/11/22/gates_graphene_condom/[^]
Well, I don't really care if graphene should be used for such purposes, but I would be worried by the statement;
"and is designed to gently tighten during intercourse"
how the hell does it know when to stop tightening, I wouldn't want it to cut the circulation off allowing things to drop off, you know, like the rubber band on a lambs tail sort of thing........ 
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DaveAuld wrote: like the rubber band on a lambs tail sort of thing........
I had never heard of that. Until yesterday.
And now today again.
Do do do do, do do do do.
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Maybe a sign, you will hear it again tomorrow, then on Sunday your bellend will fall off.
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Reminds me of an old joke about a miner who discovers a little golden screw in the end of his penis.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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You should at least tell the joke or post a link
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Yeah, well, I'm sure Chris' penis joke isn't very long anyway... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Greg King
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin, Actress
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But how hard can it be to just tell it : )
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Well it was very long, and quite hard too as I was making it up as I went along.
It is a joke that works better when spoken, as it is all in the telling, dragging it out, building up the interest, before hitting them with the weak ass (literally) punch line.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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ChrisElston wrote: Well it was very long, and quite hard
Don't brag so much, we don't believe you anyway...
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Greg King
-----
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin, Actress
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One day after a long shift down the mine Jones the Coal hit the showers with his colleagues just the same as the end of every other shift.
Today was to be different however, as he washed the grime and dust away he noticed a golden screw in the end of his penis.
Amazed he tried to remove it, but it wouldn't pull out, wouldn't turn, he could do nothin with it.
Then the realisation hit him; he couldn't piss, not with this golden screw in the end blocking up the hole.
And the more he thought on this, the more he needed to.
He tried, right there in the shower, but nothing.
So he hurriedly dressed and shot off to see his doctor.
His doctor had never seen anything like it, could not remember hearing of anything like it.
He prodded, he pulled, he twisted, he tried a good spray of WD40, but all to no avail.
By now a slightly panicked Jones was worrying what would happen if he could never piss again, what would happen to him, would he rupture or burst?
The doctor promised to make a few calls, to do a bit of research, see what he could dig up, and about an hour later he called Jones back into his room.
"Good news" said the doctor, "I've spoken to an old doctor he says he remembers hearing of a similar case many years ago.
"We're to meet him at the university medical library where he's trying to find what to do".
So they set off for the big city and the old doctor, Jones by this time really needs to go and is squirming about in his seat.
Eventually the old doctor finds what he is looking for, an ancient and dusty tomb, pulls it from the shelf and begins searching through it.
With an exclamation of triumph he stabs at a page in the book with his finger.
And there is detailed the strange case of a miner who returns from the pit to find a little golden screw blocking the end of his penis.
The book says the only way to remove the screw is to travel deep into a local forest, find a clearing, and stand naked in it at midnight.
Jones by now cannot sit still, he is desperate to go so the doctor agree to drive him to the Forest.
They thank the old doctor and set off at high speed.
Driving as close as they can Jones then leaps from the car and rushes off to find the clearing.
He has only minutes to spare as he arrives, ripping off his clothes he stands, naked, in the middle of the clearing.
At the stroke of midnight a beam of moonlight shines down in front of him.
Then he notices a tiny man sliding down the beam of moonlight towards him.
The tiny man is carrying a little golden toolbox.
He walks over to Jones, laying down his little golden toolbox and opening it up.
He takes out a little golden screwdriver and hands it to Jones.
Jones takes the little golden screwdriver, and using it effortlessly removes the little golden screw from the end of his penis?
And do you know what happened next?
------------------------
His arse fell off!
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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ChrisElston wrote: an ancient and dusty tomb
Tome?
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Leave me alone I've got concussion.
I think I change tense half way through too.
If that is the worst of the mistakes then I've done very well.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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But bless you for actually bothering to read that far through it.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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I've heard the same punchline in a long involved joke about a man who was taught to mediate in a hidden monastery in the Himalayas and who unscrewed his navel, but I wasn't expecting it here!
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It seems I got reported for alluding to the joke, now I've actually posted it I expect imminent arrest.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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