Click here to Skip to main content
15,896,557 members

Welcome to the Lounge

   

For discussing anything related to a software developer's life but is not for programming questions. Got a programming question?

The Lounge is rated Safe For Work. If you're about to post something inappropriate for a shared office environment, then don't post it. No ads, no abuse, and no programming questions. Trolling, (political, climate, religious or whatever) will result in your account being removed.

 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
Kevin Marois11-Oct-13 11:34
professionalKevin Marois11-Oct-13 11:34 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
lewax0011-Oct-13 12:58
lewax0011-Oct-13 12:58 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
Brisingr Aerowing11-Oct-13 13:29
professionalBrisingr Aerowing11-Oct-13 13:29 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
Kevin Marois11-Oct-13 13:30
professionalKevin Marois11-Oct-13 13:30 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
lewax0011-Oct-13 15:13
lewax0011-Oct-13 15:13 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
Richard MacCutchan11-Oct-13 20:54
mveRichard MacCutchan11-Oct-13 20:54 
GeneralRe: My Book PinPopular
User 5924111-Oct-13 14:22
User 5924111-Oct-13 14:22 
GeneralRe: My Book Pin
smcnulty200012-Oct-13 0:48
smcnulty200012-Oct-13 0:48 
Well, you've got one thing over many would-be writers. You are actually writing.

I'm a reader, and have only toyed with the idea of fiction writing. I tell you that so that you understand that I come from the consumer standpoint and not the standpoint of a fellow craftsman. I do know that most writing is rewriting, so please don't take anything I say as discouragement. I appreciate anyone who attempts this task.

I think if the death of the man's wife is going to be critical to either the story or his character development and you might want to treat it differently. I personally discard authors who spend time leading up to an event and then slide through it too quickly and then explain on the other side the ramifications of the event. That's as bad as over-describing the event but on the other side.

By the end of this set of paragraphs, I don't feel anything for the wife. I feel sorry for the man, sure, but that's just compassion not empathy. I'm sorry he had to go through that and I know I wouldn't want to...however it would be a better book if I felt something less callous toward the woman.

If I had met her, in the book, and liked some aspect of her I'd probably feel some loss myself. Maybe that would be bad for a mystery, I don't know. If you wrote it up and didn't like it you could always discard it. But this might as well be a newspaper report rather than a pivotal moment in a man's life.

To put it another way: "a drunk had crossed the line and that was that" is telling me that the man is trying to wrap his mind around the meaninglessness of the death and the rest of the paragraphs tell me that he is failing. However that's not really a book I want to read. The man is extremely centered around himself and that's not really the only way people react to such a death. You hold up no moments or qualities of the woman he lost so we can see that he's mourning not just his own loss but her loss.

She lost her life. She lost all the moments she was going to have. She lost all that she is ever going to be, and has put finality on all she ever was. She will have no more children, no more parties, no more joy. He might well be mourning what she was robbed of as well as his own loss. If it feels like that is too raw then it might make even more sense to write it. Her last moments were horror filled, knowing that she could do nothing to stop the accident as it happened and knowing that she would never hold her husband again. Maybe she died quickly, and maybe she bled to death hoping that someone would arrive in time not quite believing that this would be her last seconds to think, feel, and regret whatever she had to regret. Maybe he feels all of that and more and can't stand the bitter unfairness.

I'd rather not read the self-centered version. If he's going to refuse to understand his wife's loss from more than his own self then I'm not going to end up liking him. At which point you are better off skipping ahead and referring back to this section of the change in his life but only in a vague way so we don't have to experience the raw emotion or the self-pity of the character. I loathe self-pity. I stopped reading Stephen R. Donaldson over that.

If all that doesn't make sense, then don't write it that way. Different readers like different things, and I look for different things when I read sci-fi than when I read drama, or mystery.
_____________________________

Give a man a mug, he drinks for a day. Teach a man to mug...

GeneralWhat's up with RootAdmin? Pin
Casey Sheridan11-Oct-13 11:20
professionalCasey Sheridan11-Oct-13 11:20 
GeneralRe: What's up with RootAdmin? Pin
tgrt11-Oct-13 15:39
tgrt11-Oct-13 15:39 
GeneralRe: What's up with RootAdmin? Pin
Casey Sheridan11-Oct-13 15:51
professionalCasey Sheridan11-Oct-13 15:51 
GeneralMovie - Cast Away Pin
Rajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 10:55
professionalRajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 10:55 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
ZurdoDev11-Oct-13 11:01
professionalZurdoDev11-Oct-13 11:01 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:25
professionalRajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:25 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
jeron111-Oct-13 11:13
jeron111-Oct-13 11:13 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Steve Echols11-Oct-13 11:16
Steve Echols11-Oct-13 11:16 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:22
professionalRajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:22 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Kevin Marois11-Oct-13 11:19
professionalKevin Marois11-Oct-13 11:19 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:23
professionalRajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 11:23 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Mike Hankey11-Oct-13 11:36
mveMike Hankey11-Oct-13 11:36 
JokeRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rutvik Dave11-Oct-13 14:36
professionalRutvik Dave11-Oct-13 14:36 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Mike Hankey11-Oct-13 14:46
mveMike Hankey11-Oct-13 14:46 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rutvik Dave11-Oct-13 14:29
professionalRutvik Dave11-Oct-13 14:29 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
Rajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 19:58
professionalRajesh R Subramanian11-Oct-13 19:58 
GeneralRe: Movie - Cast Away Pin
DaveAuld11-Oct-13 20:40
professionalDaveAuld11-Oct-13 20:40 

General General    News News    Suggestion Suggestion    Question Question    Bug Bug    Answer Answer    Joke Joke    Praise Praise    Rant Rant    Admin Admin   

Use Ctrl+Left/Right to switch messages, Ctrl+Up/Down to switch threads, Ctrl+Shift+Left/Right to switch pages.