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Man goes to shrink and say "I keep having weird dreams".
"Last night I dreamed I was a Tee Pee on a hill in a storm with a native family cowering inside."
"The night before, I dreamed I was a camping dining shelter and a family was enjoying dinner inside."
"I'm trouble by these dreams".
"Ah, not to worry", say the shrink, "you are just too tense."
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This is the version I remember;
Patient: Doc, I keep having these dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You need to relax. You’re two tents.
Old Boy Scout joke.
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you told it better 
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That joke was used to death in my Boy Scout troop. That seemed to be the only joke one guy knew. He wasn't well liked, as he told that joke over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and... well, you get the idea.
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor
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I know what you mean my step dad knew 3 jokes and I heard them so many times...yeah I get the idea. BTW he wasn't/isn't like very well liked either, by anyone!
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He must be related to my step dad! His three jokes are the three-legged pig, the faith healer, and the duck / "got any bread".
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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I probably drove my stepkids crazy with "Pancho Villa" and "The man who was born with a silver screw in his navel."
Psychosis at 10
Film at 11
Those who do not remember the past, are doomed to repeat it.
Those who do not remember the past, cannot build upon it.
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16.40: Make last minute change to code base
16.42: Check in
16.44: Go home
16.46: CI server gets around to completing the build from your check in
17.16: I look at the CI server and discover that you broke it
17.35: I finish cleaning up the tests you should have done (and aren't around to fix tomorrow)
(It's almost okay because he's had a hard time on other things today. Still a bit irksome though.)
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You don't have the plug in that cuts off the water supply at the developer's house when they break the build?
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There's always bottled water to make some coffee. Just keep your paws of my internetz, and we can get along nicely.
Bastard Programmer from Hell 
If you can't read my code, try converting it here[^]
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Duncan Edwards Jones wrote: You don't have the plug in that cuts off the water gin supply at the developer's house when they break the build?
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You might be onto something, a certain someone has been pretty quiet today. 
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I had a nice CI setup once that didn't allow check-ins that don't compile. You should look into that.
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See below. Also, this build did compile, but it failed its unit tests.
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A build that takes 4 minutes? Our shortest build time is around 50 minutes, running on an 8 CPU beast with 32G of RAM, and that doesn't include the time required to build the .iso file backup of the build folder.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Our build time roughly breaks down into:
10% - pulling source out of source control
50% - compiling application
20% - compiling installer(s)
20% - creating distribution media structure, copying data
Software Zen: delete this;
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We don't do automated unit testing (GASP! OH THE HUMANITIES!). Frankly, given the scope of this code, if we were to run tests during the build, builds would take days.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Sounds like the job I had a few years ago; 2 million line codebase, image processing 'unit' 500,000 LOC (C++), and I had to build and test the entire unit in each attempt at an iteration.
The sole advantage was that the mod was to produce an offline test, so it was supposed to be run offline. Otherwise it would have been mounted on a one tonne machine in the lab. (Which was how I generated the offline data).
In the end I had 20,000 lines of additional code distributed in thousands of locations(no decoupling here), and it all worked.
Merging a build into a release took a week and had to go through the build captain. If you fluffed source control your mods didn't make it in for months. 
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This current project is pretty small, I've worked on ones where running the system tests took ~90 minutes and screwing something up in that one was more of a pain.
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This happened a lot at my previous company. After installing a TFS Build Server and configuring all checkins as gated we never had that problem again. If you break the build your code just comes back to you. Everybody hated this in the beginning, but once they realized that everything worked when getting latest they warmed up to the idea. This was a great way to resolve the "it builds on my machine" problem.
My plan is to live forever ... so far so good
modified 12-Dec-13 2:51am.
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We don't put 'code' in control right away.
After build, there is dogfooding. Then there is a test plan.
You can back it up in any number of secure places, but until it passes tests it doesn't go to Valhalla. 
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We considered gated builds and reckoned that given the pace of development it would cause us more pain in merge conflicts than it would gain us in keeping the build green. We're a small team that's pretty good at build discipline so we don't have any serious issues in this vein.
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Same here. It's unusual for someone to break the build, and not traumatic when they do.
Software Zen: delete this;
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