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"What do you call a girl who sets fire to her credit card statements?
Bernadette"
"My wife has just left me due to my love of horse racing.
She's at the gate... and she's off!"
"My doctor said to me 'Do you know your sperm count?'
I replied 'I didn't know that they were that clever!'"
"I'm seeing this girl who has eczema.
She has a cracking body!"
"So what if I can't spell Armageddon? It's not the end of the world!"
Sorry!
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The best joke so far is that this "friend" of yours wants to become a comedian... 
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If I have to suffer another evening listening to these, then so do you! 
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Are you one of those "my code was hard to write for me so it should be hard to read for you" programmers? 
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False equivalence. These are not my jokes - I am simply the messenger!
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I'm a staunch adherent of to the "Shooting the Messenger[^]" school of philosophy.
| Ravings en masse^ |
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| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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If you would be a true friend, tell him not to give up his day job!
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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No fair, you said "$50 to make me stop", so I posted "$50"
Sin tack ear lol
Pressing the any key may be continuate
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As soon as I receive it!
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receive what?, I already posted "$50" - literally your instructions
Sin tack ear lol
Pressing the any key may be continuate
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Ah, a pedant!
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Unlike your friend. 
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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Not an official one, just a bit of a brain warmer exercise after the excess of the holiday season.
The smell of honesty preceding a mixed up on-stage actor?
(12)
Answer: Frankincense
modified 29-Dec-16 9:11am.
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What on earth is the smell of honesty supposed to indicate ?
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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An absence of politicians?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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It could be even more cryptic if I added that it was a gift from the KKK?
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The smell of honesty - SWEAT
An on-stage actor - DRESSER
SWEATERDRESS
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Sorry no - but I like your thinking.
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Perspiration ?
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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Sweat? Jesus,Mary and Joseph no
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Time for the answer methinks
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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I don't get the mixed-up on stage actor?
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
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in scene (anag.)
It's not a very good clue tbf.
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When you indicate an anagram the letters must exist in the clue itself not as the result of a sub clue - you bad boy
We can’t stop here, this is bat country - Hunter S Thompson RIP
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