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Code Complete Can't Convey C Constructs Concisely!
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Crazy criminals catch common cold causing craters.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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To quote our esteemed Australian cultural correspondent "Faarrrkkkk!!!!!"
I am a loving husband and this has been my downfall. My darling wife was asked by her boss to do a little little fact sheet, twenty odd points and three little charts. She had all the text and the raw data but could not make the charts the way they were required...
... Vilmos helps ...
... So I took the raw data, plugged it into Excel and created the three charts. I exported the files to png's and here I should have stopped. But no, the fool that I am, I created the lovely fact sheet all formatted in Word [or is that Weird?]
Now the fun begins. If anyone at Mrs wife's office tries to open the document it reformats itself in a less than flattering way. So the solution is that I send her a PDF of the fact sheet, the boss reviews and comments and she lets me know if any changes are needed. If any? If? Bloody WHAT!
I have just sent her version 17.
In only one week.
veni bibi saltavi
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I do hope your own job isn't going to suffer 
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
modified 8-Oct-15 8:52am.
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Shouldn't think so, you only sign-on once every two weeks nowadays.
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Who said I sign-on? I get more money not signing on than I would ever get if I did so. I am not a scrounger, I am just not in full-time* work.
* Anytime would be good.
veni bibi saltavi
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Who said I sign-on?
You're an immigrant - You sign-on and steal other peoples jobs simultaneously. I read about it in The Mail
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I heard Jeremy Corbyn is trying to convert him to moslem.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Oh bugger, I just ordered four yards of muslin! 
veni bibi saltavi
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I've got half of a 42m roll of curtain liner that I'm not going to need!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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PompeyThree wrote: You're an immigrant
Not here, I'm only a bloody migrant in Hungary and boy are they popular right now! The Ma & Da are both British and I was born British.
The wife and sprogs, they're the bloody migrants coming over here taking our jobs / school places / bacon from our breakfast plates.
veni bibi saltavi
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: I am a loving husband
Down South we would call you 'under the thumb'.
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As I sit comfortably, drinking coffee and munching some rather nice biscuits, I can honestly say I don't give a flee's jockstrap!
veni bibi saltavi
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Get someone at the office to create a "standard" Word document, and send it to you.
Then compare it with yours - you'll probably find they use a different paper size, or margin, or dpi - and if you can duplicate your document "over the top" of the standard doc, your problem will likely go away. So next time you go for Brownie Points you don't get so much "repeat business"...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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To be far there were actual changes to the text and graphics over the last week. AND I've just been informed that the current version is good to go...
... until the numbers change again.
veni bibi saltavi
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Look at the bright side, after all, that's a new job.
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I have seen this happen before. It is really bad going from Word to Open Office. Tried to do a newsletter that had been in Word when I got it and I had OO. What a mess. Finally I dug out an old copy of Word and got it imported. So I used that.
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: If anyone at Mrs wife's office tries to open the document it reformats itself in a less than flattering way
So she says- To me, she's just found a good way to get someone do the updates for her. 
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No good deed goes unpunished, especially when it's for your spouse/significant other.
Software Zen: delete this;
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So I've been doing Oracle development, coming from SQL Server.
Simple string concatenation, which is + everywhere, is || in Oracle.
A little research and || seems to be the ANSI standard, which makes sense as 2 || 'A' is now unambiguous '2A' (and not a conversion error).
But now I want to write a simple SELECT statement which would work in both Oracle and SQL Server.
Oracle doesn't support + and SQL Server doesn't support ||, however both support CONCAT.
Seems too easy for something that's uneasy already, and indeed it is...
SELECT CONCAT('A', 'B') FROM TABLE works in Oracle and SQL Server.
SELECT CONCAT('A', 'B', 'C') FROM TABLE works only in SQL Server...
Seems like the only thing that works in both databases is CONCAT('A', CONCAT('B', 'C')).
And that seems like the only reasonable solution is to write two different queries, one for Oracle and one for SQL Server because it's just too friggin difficult to implement a standard FRIGGIN STRING CONCATENATION!!! 
When does the hurting stop? 
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Sander Rossel wrote: When does the hurting stop?
When you stop using both dbms at the same time?
Or when you stop using them totally? 
I never finish anyth
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phil.o wrote: When you stop using both dbms at the same time?
Well, that may be a solution(if he wants stop getting hurt )
phil.o wrote: Or when you stop using them totally?
Don't tell me that you want him to us MS access
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Brittle1618 wrote: Don't tell me that you want him to us MS access
No, I'm not so cruel
A simple Excel sheet will do it 
I never finish anyth
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