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Made my day.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Good for him!
Who knows, maybe good for everybody!!!
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Had no idea that patent trolling was so wide spread and so viscous. FOAD is to kind an expression for the likes of them.
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You could get the patent trolls whacked for a lot less than a million.
I'm just saying...
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by Chris Elston aged 38 and 346 365ths.
So yesterday morning I awoke at around half three with pain in my left forearm, a very strange feeling. I also had some pain in my ribs. I've had a bit of a cold all week.
Kept me awake for an hour or two, couldn't get comfortable, pain wouldn't ease at all.
When I awoke again with my alarm the pain had spread to my upper arm and the back of my shoulder, and the pain in my ribs was quite sharp when breathing in.
I set off for work, but the pain in my arm and chest was worse with the driving so as I was passing I dropped in to the local minor injuries unit (this is a small hospital with no doctors that you go to if you know what is wrong with you) so they could tell me there's not wrong, bugger off to work.
As expected when I reported my symptoms I was straight in and on a bed. I've turned up there with chest pains three times before, once was the onset of a nasty chest infection that laid me low for a couple of weeks, the second was a pulled rib muscle which hurt like elephant (like the elephant was sitting on me in fact), and the third was indegestiony (a friend of mine went to bed with 'indigestion' once and was found dead in bed the next morning.
Anyway, the ECG was swiftly administered after a crude chest shaving, and I was told I wasn't dying in the short term. Unusually for this hospital they also had a paramedic who went through various tests before the nurse said to him "right, let's go outside and discuss this". Thy came back in and said they were sending me off to the big hospital for some more tests, then went to phone for an ambulance from the office next door. As the nurse walked out she muttered something about "better open the blind so I can keep an eye on him".
At this point I phoned the wife to tell her I was off to hospital in the next town and where she could find the car. As I had mentioned nothing to her during the night or that morning her concern was tempered with pissed off ness.
The ambulance lady had just moved into a new housing estate near my allotment, and her husband is interested in one so we had a nice chat. Her son was at the primary school I'd gone to, and we'd been to the same secondary school. As they're wheeling me into the hospital I'm feeling like a massive fraud.
Onto a bed, another ECG and a student doctor comes over to take some blood. "It's ok, I've done loads of these but I need a signature each time I do at the moment" she explains before going to look for a senior enough nurse to supervise. The nurse arrives and says "What if they need a cannula later, you might as well o that now then use it to take the blood". Student Doctor says to me "It's ok, I've done this a few times before".
So, in goes the pointy bit, but she can't get it all the way in so the nurse has a shove and a wiggle before they decide there is a valve in the way in the vein they're in. Out it comes, then onto the other arm where they abandon the cannula idea and just take three vials of blood.
Then the wife turns up as another student doctor turns up to take the history. This is the first she has heard of the half three in the morning thing and lots of pointed looks are coming my way.
There I lay for an hour or so before SD2 turns up and says "We're concerned about the condition of your heart and a blood clot on your lung... But, try not to worry."
Try not to fing worry? I wasn't worried at all until then.
Wife leaves at this point, there is lots she needs to do. Turns out after leaving she had pretty much phoned my parents and boss up and told them I was screwed.
SD2 comes back again and says the lung clot test was clear, the heart test they have to wait three hours then take some more blood. Then I go off for a chest X-ray.
When the time comes for the next lot of blood SD2 turns up with a proper doctor. They have a look at the previous two holes and try to go back in the one on my left arm. After much really painful wriggling they give up and the doc makes a new hole in my right arm to get some.
A short while later he comes back and says that sample was no good for testing, and made another hole in my left arm for some more.
Just after three he comes back agin, says it is all clear, they're putting it down to the virus and I can go home.
Text the wife who is just picking our daughter up from school and says she will be straight over. The town where I am is about ten minutes from where she is, it's a nice day, so I start walking towards where she will come from.
Turns out there was a delay on the road, by the time we met I'd been walking for 45 minutes and was very hot, sweaty, and in quite a bit of pain gain. Queue another bollocking for not waiting at the hospital.
So today I am resting, feel like shite, but at least there is nothing wrong with me that shouldn't clear up on its own in a few days time.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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My family has been fairly resilient so far, my dad is 65 this year and recently started doing triathlons, my mum is the same age and fit and active, my gran is 89 and going strong. My dad's dad was apparently an alcoholic all his adult life (I never met him) and lasted into his seventies. My mum's mum died aged around 70, but she had been ill for a long time. My mum' dad who was 8 years younger than her died two weeks later of a broken heart, nothing actually wrong with him.
Biggest problem from yesterday is that I had a reaction to the glue on the sticky tape they used after taking the blood out so the inside of both arms is red and a bit tacky.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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Always insist they use Micropore[^] tape; it doesn't leave a residue and is hypoallergenic.
speramus in juniperus
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Nagy Vilmos wrote: Have a nice cup of Man The F_ck Up!
I think you'll find he needs Half a cup of harden up.
Michael Martin
Australia
"I controlled my laughter and simple said "No,I am very busy,so I can't write any code for you". The moment they heard this all the smiling face turned into a sad looking face and one of them farted. So I had to leave the place as soon as possible."
- Mr.Prakash One Fine Saturday. 24/04/2004
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Sounds like the national Health Service could have saved thousands of pounds if someone had put you over their shoulder and patted your back for a good burp.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Hah. I like to think of myself as less of a waste of money, and more as a good training exercise.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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I went to my local surgery yesterday for a quick blow-in-a-tube lung test, but the surgery had installed some new software for their everything, and the nurse couldn't find the patients database, so the "quick" element went out the window.
The highpoint of that was that when she was searching through her handbag, I commented, "I don't think you'll find it in there" (she had it written down, obviously, but the gag still worked).
When she trolled off to find someone to help, I did a quick search for *.db* on their network drive (why do foolish people leave their computers logged on around me?), and had the db connected before she came back ("Oh, is it working, now?" ).
So yeah, training = good, and I'm glad I wasn't seeing her for an emergency.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I believe that means that you have The Knack[^]. My condolences to your family.
Windows 8 is the resurrected version of Microsoft Bob. The only thing missing is the Fisher-Price logo.
- Harvey
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I know about getting perspectives on things. Last year I got a gallstone.
Scared the sh*t out of me, my wife and kids.
Take it easy and get well.
Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!
Abraham Lincoln
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I said to the paramedic, when I was younger I'd have completely ignored it, and worse, but when you're a parent your thinking changes. Life is absurd, but I quite enjoy my little bit of it and don't want it to stop any time soon.
“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks
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Jörgen Andersson wrote: Last year I got a gallstone.
I think Getafix has a potion for that, too.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Hope you feel much better soon.
/ravi
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Wow. I hope everything goes well.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Glad you have a nasty virus as opposed to having a bad ticker.
I've been through the chest pain ordeal myself, getting the family all upset, coworkers telling me I shouldn't have drove to the hospital on my own and so on. But everything turned out fine.
Hope you are feeling well soon.
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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Hope everything will get fine..
Now we know why health insurance grows every year..
The signature is in building process.. Please wait...
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Brings back some memories.
When I was 16 (in a different millennia) I got appendicitis, and ended quickly in hospital where they just as quickly decided to remove my appendix.
After disinfection and getting strapped to an operation bed and rolled in to the operating theatre they started pumping me full of medicines.
With just the actual anaesthetics left someone came running into the room shouting: "take him out, we have a car accident".
So they gave me an extra large shot of morphine and rolled me over to the next room while taking on a more acute case.
By now quite high on morphine, close to forty degrees of fever, still strapped to a very narrow bed as they didn't want to redo everything, I had to lie there for about two hours (according to the journal) accompanied with the prettiest nurse in the world.
Morphine apparently removes your inhibitions.
Probably a good thing I was strapped to a bed.
At least she got a good laugh. When I met her afterwards she couldn't keep a straight face.
Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!
Abraham Lincoln
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Good to hear it was not too serious. Hope you are better soon. In the states they wheel you to the door and wait for your ride.
After a couple of AFib episodes, I am worried every time my chest feels strange. Last time was just palpitations and they sent me home.
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Geez - at least they took you seriously!
I went into A&E with a serious pain in my calf which was preventing me from walking and explained to them that I had just flown back from Vegas hungover and didn't move on the plane as I wanted to sleep, and there is a history of DVT in the family.
The doctor literally took one look at me and told me to go home, as it was, and I quote, "a muscle strain".
I asked him how I managed to get a muscle strain after sitting down doing nothing for 10 hours, where the pain does not recede with Ralgex/Deep Heat, and no amount of stretching/resting cures the pain, and the pain in fact, just has got worse and worse.
He replied, and I quote, "I dunno, it happens."
It was only when I got in the car started driving back to work did they ring me up and tell me to come back as they, and I quote "..have just checked your bloods, you do have a DVT, please come back we need to get some injections into you".
Gotta love 'em.
Anyway - hope you're on the mend!
"Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick." ~ Garth Algar
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." ~ Paul Neal "Red" Adair
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Glad to hear you survived. Sometimes the strain of worrying what might be wrong with you is enough to kill by itself!
I was at work one day and we had a birthday party for a colleague I didn't like much (she was only employed due to her physical assets and my boss was a dirty old man). So I dutifully attended, worrying about some urgent code I was working on, and when they gave me some cake I wolfed it down in a few large bites to get rid of it quickly and went back to my office. A couple of minutes later my colleague came in to find me clutching my chest and obviously in distress. Despite my strong protestations that it was just indigestion from eating the cake too fast my boss whistled up an ambulance and shipped me off at high speed to the hospital south of town (not the nearest, which was 5 minutes away, for some reason) where after spending a lot of time getting my insurance information and only then several repeated failed attempts (and one successful one) to get a needle into one of my arms and covering me with sticky pads with wires attached and switching out the EKG/ECG machine twice to get one that finally worked they decided that I had suffered a severe attack of indigestion and could go back to work now after paying the huge copay at the door before I go. Tulsa, Oklahoma is not the place to get wonderful private health care especially not at St. Francis Hospital; not recommended. God, I missed the good old NHS!
During a follow up check-up with my new doctor - the old one had just died - he mentioned that my heart sounded as smooth and strong as any he had listened to and the EKG showed perfect rhythm - I always thought I was a good dancer!
I eventually got transport back to work because a colleague came to fetch me after having lost the ambulance and naturally going to the wrong hospital first (the nearby one) before trying the further away one and finding me stuck on a rolling bed in a corridor, covered in tape and blood and bruises from the various holes in my arm, waiting for discharge papers (this took an extra 90 minutes).
Luckily, I managed to fix the code by staying late that day. Fun times!
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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