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Not what you think.  Roll with me here.
So, I retired 2 days ago from my primary customer. As a precursor to that, I've spent the last year looking at expenses, pensions, savings, etc. We had a large SUV that I will sorely miss (2007 Sequoia) but the wife drives 10 miles/a day and it just didn't make sense. So, she decided she wanted a new car. 6 years ago - yes - I bought my first new car in 40 years. So, she decided she was due and went out and bought a 2024 Mazda CX5. Typical crossover, more electronics than metal... it's actually a nice car and wasn't stupid expensive. Now for the user interface part...
3 months after buying it, she goes out to go to work. It doesn't start, battery is dead, and somewhere in the car there is a loud beeping.
Long story short - the battery failed, the beeping is from a device IN THE REAR HATCH, and this is designed to tell the owner you have a battery problem. There is nothing in the owner's manual about this, no indicators, etc. Mazda even has a smart app - nothing there. For the engineer or group who came up with this, please send me your address. 
For those of us who write software that communicates with people, please don't do this crap.
Charlie Gilley
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
Has never been more appropriate.
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Yes, beeps and such are meaningless. With my Toyota 4Runner it took some time to realize that the beep I sometimes hear when I open the door is expected to remind me that I left the moonroof open -- which I know, because I just opened it, in an effort to not have the car heat up too much while I'm at work. I do not need a reminder, especially an ineffective one.
On the other hand, my wife's Jaguar F-Pace will occasionally display a message on the dashboard to explain some nonsense. Such as "Apply steering or the LKA will be disabled" -- WTE is that supposed to mean?! What's an LKA? Why would you disable it while I'm driving at freeway speeds (80MPH)? Do I even want it enabled in the first place?
I weep.
(Those were rhetorical questions.)
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"LKA" -> "Lane Keeping Assist" It means she is driving with no hands on the wheel, Which is a Bad Thing, or the sensor which detects she isn't holding on has failed. My guess is the latter - this is JLA after all! 
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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"Assist" or "alert"? I doubt it assists. I hope it doesn't. And if it is assisting, I definitely don't want it to stop doing so when I (theoretically) need it most. Though I don't want it to be enabled either.
But, of course my hands were on the wheel, I was driving, on a straight road, I was already applying as much steering as was required by conditions, i.e. none.
First the car advises I avoid distractions while driving, then it goes out of its way to distract me. Almost as if it's an American car. Bonkers.
Douglas Adams was right.
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It's "Assist": the car will drive in the exact middle of the lane and keep it there, steering around bends and so forth as necessary with no input from you provided you hold the steering wheel. What is lane-keep assist? | Motorpoint[^]
Combined with radar guided cruise control it can make long journeys a lot less tiring, which is better for safety.
Many modern vehicles have it (but it can be turned off if you don't want to use it). I'd guess it's a faulty steering sensor or something (given it's a JLR car a "non-faulty something" is a surprise!) it's probably worth at least talking to a garage in case it's a known fault.
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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PIEBALDconsult wrote: Douglas Adams Wonko the Sane was right.
FTFY 
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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After reading your post it occurs to me I should probably make the effort to provide users of the API I am writing w/ extensive exception error messages rather than the terse few words I currently providing. Certainly more than "beep beep beep" though I rather like that.  Perhaps bee_beep_beep can be the name of the exception class.
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Beep - this is too funny. I own a 2018 RAV4. When I turn off the engine after parking, i of course am going into the store. Opening the door, I get a beep and a message "Door Open." Well duh. What I wish Toyota would do is allow me to auto up and down ALL windows, not just the driver's.
Charlie Gilley
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
Has never been more appropriate.
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A while ago I pressed some combination of buttons on my key and all the windows of the car went down. I have no idea what buttons were pressed and it hasn't happened since.
"They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers! Can I get an amen?"
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Not a beep, but a warning light: The dashboard of my car has a warning light to remind me that we are in the months from October to April, so the road may be slippery. (The specs says that it is lit when the outdoor temperature is below 4 C - that is another way to say October to April.)
small beep: My baking oven beeps for everything. I like that it tells me that the preset temperature has been reached, but after use, it beeps to inform me when it has completely cooled down and isn't even lukewarm any more. Of course this is essential information, I know that. Yet this (and all the other beeps it produces) bugged me so much much that I set the beep volume to minimum, so now I cannot hear the beep telling me that it has reached the preset temperature. You can't win them all!
Religious freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make five.
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trønderen wrote: the road may be slippery
Yeah, the 4Runner will indicate "ICE" at very low temperatures, as if I didn't already know. I only saw it light up when I was up in Flagstaff a few winters ago. It never lights up here in freaking Phoenix. (I'm from Massachusetts; I know cold and snow and how to drive in the stuff.)
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Hey - at least they tried! Not just any group of engineers can break the management barrier! 
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Is the battery in the trunk? We had once a dead battery in a grocery store parking lot, and one of the staff was so kind as to come out to give us a boost. When he backed his car up to ours, I was thinking WTF?! I don't recall what kind of car he had, but its battery was in the trunk, so I learned something new that day!
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Actually, no it's in front where it is supposed to be.
This wanders off my original chuckle, but the car comes with Roadside Assist. I was pleasantly impressed with the speed at which they got out there. Turns out, one of the cells of the battery had died (less than 1000 miles and 3 months old). So, dealer replaced the battery and made a specific notation that what killed it was the dash cam that was plugged in. I call bull chips on that, but that's another story.
Charlie Gilley
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
Has never been more appropriate.
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Greg Utas wrote: its battery was in the trunk
My '06 Dodge Charger's battery is in the trunk. I believe today's are still there.
I suppose one of the main benefits is that even today, it remains as clean and corrosion-free as the day I bought it.
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User interfaces in cars are the worst. My dad worked for over 40 years as a mechanic - I keep telling him computers aren't as complicated as today's car consoles.
This stuff needs to be standardized.
But, a module placed at the back of a car, that makes an audible beep, is a different type of bad interface decision altogether.
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Be aware an alternator can destroy a battery - this happened to me 3 months after replacing the battery (2016 CX5) total cost $1200 AUD.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity -
RAH
I'm old. I know stuff - JSOP
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charlieg wrote: For those of us who write software that communicates with people, please don't do this crap.
Was the beep in morse code at least?
Jeremy Falcon
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No, very steady three beep sequence.
Charlie Gilley
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
Has never been more appropriate.
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Well, smartphones and their offerings have made a whole generation (maybe two) stupider, so it's almost certain that they won't fare much better with a text-generating robot.
"One man's wage rise is another man's price increase." - Harold Wilson
"Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it." - Michael Simmons
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." - James D. Miles
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As is the norm, SO already deleted the page at the link you provided.
That's good ole SO for you.
This is what I see[^].
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and me
In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. - Hunter S Thompson - RIP
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Yes, they have a fairly strict rule about non-questions.
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At least for me that link goes to a page that says the author deleted it.
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