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Ok, so I did this on "Thursday" as a sarky poke at the current OTD them, and you decided to re-use it and expand it with the date.
Not clever. I'm afraid you must try harder or go find something to occupy yourself
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Not in China, it ain't.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Thanks, that was really useful.
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So never give anything a good review. Problem solved.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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So last week I posted questions about writing a book.
I started writing. I'm 8 pages into it, and I must say, I'm really enjoying it. At this point I'm trying to establish my writing style, but at the same time I'm developing the base story line.
It's a murder mystery, here's a sample:
That is until the accident. F*****drunks always live. Someone else always dies. He’d seen it time and again as a patrolman, arriving at the scene of early morning accident. Twisted metal fused with torn bodies. Fireman prying apart what was left of a car in vain hopes of rescuing a victim already gone, while on the side of the road some drunk stumbled down the white line, still alive.
But it was always someone else. Tough luck. Too bad for them, right? He could always go home and forget all about it. You can’t take horror of the streets home with you or you wouldn’t last very long. You have to leave it there. At first he felt guilty about feeling this way. He wanted to do something. To fix it. But he was a rookie then, and rookie cops all think they’re Superman and can save the world. So he’d make the arrest and write the report and go home for the night and forget all about it. And on weekends they’d sail.
That is until he got the call. This time was different. This time it was his wife in the twisted
wreck. This time, it was his life that changed. No leaving this one at work.
Margie had worked late that night. She had started at the firm 3 months earlier and had thrown herself into her work. Most nights she left at 6 and headed home, just down the 15 from Corona. They’d have dinner and watch a movie, or maybe go out. That night she had stayed late. She called him at 9:30 to say she was on the way. She never made it. A drunk had crossed the line and that was that. He’d got the call and driven to the scene, only to find what was left of her and her car covered in a yellow tarp. And his world collapsed.
So he had taken 3 months off, sitting in the dark in his house and searched for answers in bottles of Jack Daniels and Jameson and smoking cigarettes. 4 ½ years of a wonderful marriage to a wonderful woman – gone. The house was dark and meaningless without her. So he drank and slept, and drank some more. No answers came. Maybe there were none. She was his world, and now she, and his world, was gone. Each time he tried to move on, to get back to some semblance of happiness, his thoughts of Margie came back, and he descended down a dark tunnel into the depths of despair. The darkness crowded him, smothered him, like someone holding a pillow over his head. It was a scene out of a bad murder novel, and sometimes he hoped he died.
He lost his drive to work, or think, or live. He saw no point in getting off the couch, except for another drink. Sailing seemed so far way and so meaningless without her.
Now, the boat sat covered on the side of his house. He hadn’t taken in out since then. He’d considered selling it but himself he was too busy to deal with it, now that he was back to work. The truth, he knew, was that selling it meant leaving her, or the memory of her, as if to say, I’m over you now so I don’t need this boat any more. And he wasn’t ready for that. So the boat sat idle, baking in the hundred degree Temecula heat. Maybe, someday, he’ll take her out one more time.
I welcome your input.
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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Kevin Marois wrote: I welcome your input.
Not enough curly braces?
It's okay. When you are done you can self-publish to Amazon which I just did. No idea if it'll do any good but worth a try.
Good luck and keep at it. I would suggest some creative writing classes - they really help.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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Thank you.
Any thoughts on style, or story line?
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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Kevin Marois wrote: Any thoughts on style, or story line?
Story appears to be somewhat derivative; i.e. what will mark this out as being any different from similar stories? It is reasonably well written with a decent pace: needs more to draw the reader in; perhaps a longer sample; the first chapter would be best. If you're still reading the at the end of the first chapter...
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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I see your points. This is an excerpt from Ch 1, so there's a bit more to it. But the 'drawing out' comment is helpful.
Thanks!
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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mark merrens wrote: I would suggest some creative writing classes I would suggest the exact opposite.
When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative* writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed.
Then we binned the submission, and opened the next, hoping to find that it was by someone who had actually learned something about writing.
* Delete "eative", insert "appy"
** Delete "style guide" insert "utter nonsence"
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Mark_Wallace wrote: When I worked as a subm.ed, we used have great fun identifying which creative*
writing course or style guide** a hopeful had followed.
That is the fault of the writer, not the course. No methodology should be slavishly adhered to (I include scrum and design patterns here ) but it can help a writer discover their voice and teach them to show, not tell.
I agree that a story that is plainly based on a course/style guide is probably not worthy but we all have to start somewhere and learn: perhaps, instead of binning, you should have taken a few minutes to pen a response pointing out why you didn't take the story. Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn?
Not everyone can write: sometimes people need to be told that.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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mark merrens wrote: Without constructive criticism how would you expect anyone to learn? Criticism of any kind is normally useless, because no-one believes that they have written something badly, even after you point out however many flaws -- and if you're foolish enough to say that something is "not bad" or "shows promise", that is immediately taken to mean "the best writing in the history of the world!"
The only way to become a competent writer is by writing. All the time.
Having ideas is pointless, if you can't transfer thoughts from your head to other people's heads through the printed medium, so you need to:
-- Learn grammar, because that will help you to be understood.
-- Ignore "advice", like style guides, opinions of other people who also want to write, Godawful writing web-sites, and half-arsed courses.
-- Write. All the time, and about everything.
When you look at something or see something happen, immediately start working out how to describe it in your head, And Put The Words Down On Paper*, so that you can read them back later, to see how inadequate the words are.
You can throw it in the bin as soon as you've read it back, but keep writing!
If you can't describe simple, everyday things in a way that your target readership can visualise them exactly how you see them, then there's no way you're competent to write anything grander, so you have to keep writing until you do become competent enough.
10,000,000 words ought to be a good start.
* Electronic paper counts.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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You make good points; nevertheless, you are still incorrect: a poor writer may take it the wrong way; a good writer will use it to his/her advantage. Perhaps "shows promise" is not a good way to go unless qualified, even in some small way.
BTW; I have done, for my whole life, as you suggest; constantly writing and trashing. I have reams of rubbish and a few morsels of the good stuff. However, I still feel I gained from taking the courses. Of course they may not help everybody but to dismiss them out of hand is more than a little arrogant.
One may write a million words and still say nothing.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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mark merrens wrote: One may write a million words and still say nothing. Perhaps, but after having written a million words, you will at least be able to write "nothings" more competently -- and that's what to aim at: competence. Not "brilliance" or "creativity", but being able to write words that convey meaning, and being able to structure information to best effect.
When you can do that, you can write anything. Other people's opinions on what makes good writing are completely irrelevant, unless your objective is to write precisely how they write (thereby losing any uniqueness that you may be able to offer), and courses, style guides, etc. are no more than other people's opinions, expressing absolute rules (which are not rules at all).
I always advise people to get:
-- The smallest grammar book they can find, because there are less than 200 actual rules of grammar, so a big book will be full of either waffle or opinionated discussion, study it, and only ever break those rules if it's really necessary (the number of people I've had to bash over the head for using "would'a ~~ would'a" for a subjunctive doesn't bear counting, and "people who don't understand what Passive Voice means" might as well be a mass noun).
-- An equally small book on the rules of punctuation, and follow those rules (I'll send a few of the boys around to visit the next person who tells me that a comma represents a pause).
But too many hopefuls expend all their energy on learning "rules" that are not rules, and then treat most of the actual rules with disdain and rigidly fixate on a few that others have opinions on.
E.g:
Q: What is the difference between "less" and "fewer"?
A: There isn't one.
Q: Can I end a sentence with a preposition?
A: Unless you're writing in Latin, go ahead (most sentences accused of ending with a prep actually don't, anyway, because most words that we use as preps have other functions, and are therefore not preps all the time).
Q: What's the best way to check for dangling modifiers?
A: Don't bother. If they're part of reported speech, then they're just accurate reported speech; if not, does it read well? That's what you have to check for.
Q: How do I avoid using passive voice?
A: You don't. Avoiding passive voice means avoiding half the usage of at very least every transitive verb. You might as well cut a few fingers off.
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but you couldn't be more wrong.
The best advice you can give a hopeful writer is "don't follow advice; just write".
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Mark_Wallace wrote: If you want to call what I say arrogance, go for it, but you couldn't be more
wrong.
Trust me, I have often been more wrong.
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." Red Adair.
Those who seek perfection will only find imperfection
nils illegitimus carborundum
me, me, me
me, in pictures
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Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to degradation.
Stuart: It's a little wrong to say to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
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I think "wronger" is a much more satisfying word. I'll have a word with the Queen, and get her to put it in the dictionary.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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mark merrens wrote: When you are done you can self-publish to Amazon which I just did.
Ah, so it was your books they had to remove!
Retailer Amazon has removed several abuse-themed e-books from its Kindle Store after a report highlighted titles depicting rape, incest and bestiality.
WH Smith has taken its UK site completely offline until all abuse-themed e-books are removed from its product listings.
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Thank you
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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I think you should use a consistent font color, the alternating black and blue is distracting to your readers.
(Edit: why is my ;P face showing up as "??" ?)
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