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"Fark off and DIE!"
If it's not broken, fix it until it is
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I usually go with something simple like this:
Please do not send confidential, proprietary, or otherwise sensitive information via e-mail. E-mail is not a secure form of communication and may not be protected by the attorney client privilege. Communication via e-mail does not establish an attorney-client relationship. Any information in any e-mail message from me or my office is intended for general informational purposes and is not intended to be, and shall not be relied upon, as legal advice. No information in an e-mail is a substitute for a personal consultation with an attorney.
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This email is covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521 and is legally privileged. This communication may also contain material protected and governed by the Health insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA). This e-mail is only for the personal and confidential use of the individuals to which it is addressed and contains confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient, you are notified that you have received this document in error, and that any reading, distributing, copying or disclosure is unauthorized.
If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by the telephone number above and destroy the message.
Circular 230 Notice: Pursuant to recently-enacted U.S. Treasury Department regulations, we are now required to advise you that, unless otherwise expressly indicated, any federal tax advice contained in this communication, including attachments and enclosures, is not intended or written to be used, and may not be used, for the purpose of (i) avoiding tax-related penalties under the Internal Revenue Code or (ii) promoting, marketing or recommending to another party any tax-related matters addressed herein.
Please don’t print this E-mail unless you really need to.
There are two types of people in this world: those that pronounce GIF with a soft G, and those who do not deserve to speak words, ever.
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Oh, I didn't know you worked in my department!
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Mostly I just go with a generic "Best regards"
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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We have a mature game off 'Change peoples signatures when they leave there workstation unlocked' at the moment.
Yesterday every e-mail I sent was signed 'Chief Sandwich Maker'.
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Change the f***ing font to white and out something about hating gay people in their signature
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FukkPhag1 wrote: something about hating gay people in their signature
Is that what 'Fukkphag' means
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I'd say it implies something else than hate.
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I changed the ring tone of a colleague's phone to Blink 182's Family Reunion then gave him a call when he was in a meeting with lots of people more senior than him.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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I had my ringtone for an acquaintance set as Khia's "My Neck, My Back".
Briefly, anyway.
A phone's ringtone is remarkably loud in a quiet cubicle farm.
Well, I didn't expect her to call in the middle of the day. Sheesh.
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For business communication, just K.I.S.S. and polite.
I just finish all my external business emails with :
Thank you,
Maximilien Lincourt.
For internal business emails:
Thanks,
Max.
I'd rather be phishing!
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Replying to a non-coder:
Thanks and Regards
Replying to a coder:
Byte and Regards
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Depending upon the exact nature of the email, I use one of two. For most emails I send from work, I use the one "recommended" by my employer:
Quote:
This email and any files transmitted with it are the property of <name of my employer, a health care facility>, are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom this email is addressed. If you are not one of the named recipients and have received the message in error, please notify the sender at (XXX) XXX-XXXX and delete this message from your computer. Any other use, retention, dissemination, forwarding, printing or copying of this email is strictly prohibited and could be a violation of State and/or Federal law.
For emails I send to my peers, I use the "Programmer's Serenity Prayer" by Rex Hammock, which appears at the bottom of this reply.
__________________
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that there are some things I just can’t keep up with, the determination to keep up with the things I must keep up with, and the wisdom to find a good RSS feed from someone who keeps up with what I’d like to, but just don’t have the damn bandwidth to handle right now.
© 2009, Rex Hammock
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I see no reason to have one. I just simply finish with my signature.
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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When making a request, I sign off with:
Thanks,
--Ravi
Otherwise, it's just:
--Ravi
/ravi
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Met vriendelijke groet / kind regards,
Sander Rossel
The "Met vriendelijke groet" is "kind regards" in Dutch, but as I regularly have contact with English customers I've added the English translation
We once had a customer who had pretty much the same tag line, but in multiple languages, including Arab. It crashed our email server as we had some custom application running that processed all emails and apparently didn't handle Arab very well
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To annoy the Dutch guys at a petrochemical company (that shell remain nameless), I used to Open my e-mails with "Groetjes,"
Then, when they complained (and they always did), I would reply with a (usually Huge!) list of errors they'd made in English.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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Still, most Dutch speak better English than the average Englishman/American speaks Dutch (although most don't know the difference between British and American English)
Some Dutch even spell better English than some English people (and I don't think that's ever true the other way around)!
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formal: Thanks, with my job title and contact information
semi formal: Thanks, with my contact information
semi or formal additional: Thanks, Joe
first non-formal and you know me: Joe
additional non-formal and you know me: nothing
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Byte me!
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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What, you don't speak Klingon?
Pfft!
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I usually end with:
"...and if I ever hear from you again, I'm going to hunt you down and personally punch you in the throat."
I don't get a lot of emails...
".45 ACP - because shooting twice is just silly" - JSOP, 2010
- You can never have too much ammo - unless you're swimming, or on fire. - JSOP, 2010
- When you pry the gun from my cold dead hands, be careful - the barrel will be very hot. - JSOP, 2013
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It's not the threat of a punch that discourages emails to you. It's your signature here at CP!
Get me coffee and no one gets hurt!
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SIGNAL LOST
REMOTE DISCONNECT
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